This blog is a sort of “pre-emptive strike” against any semantic terrorists who would label Dick Cheney as a Zombie, in light of the fact he just got a new heart transplant at the age of seventy-one.
Of course, the man who assured us Iraq had WMDs could not possibly have been lying when he says he didn’t get bumped up on the recipient list due to his hundreds of millions and hit squads capable of procuring fresh organs from any point on the globe.
Depicting Cheney as some mindless Zombie rampaging across the world wreaking havoc is completely unfair to Zombies. He might be more of a Ghoul, an intelligent but odd type of being who enjoys feeding on corpses rather than the living.
Now, I know the fresher a human organ is the better, but the fact is, whoever “donated” their heart to Cheney was obviously dead upon the removal of their heart, or immediately therafter. So, how can I justify calling Cheney a Ghoul, and not a Zombie?
The answer-I can’t. You see, I try to update this blog at least weekly, but sometimes it’s hard to think of anything compelling enough to write about.
So I made something up. There is no controversy about whether or not Cheney is a Zombie or a Ghoul. I made it up. I figure the headline might suck in an unfortunate reader or two. It happens to me all the time. Like today, I clicked on a headline “Octo-Mom Poses Topless” in a tabloid. There were no topless pictures of Octo-Mom. She had posed in some other Rupert Murdoch owned vehicle designed to degenerate British society. All I got was the news that Octo-Mom had posed topless somewhere and no pictures.
It must be what is called “a slow news day”. You need new news to sell papers or drive some traffic to your blog, so headlines like “Dick Cheney Says Iraq Has Weapons Of Mass Destruction” or “Dick Cheney Says Saddam Masterminded 9-11” or “Dick Cheney: Zombie or Ghoul?” are tailor-made for days like today.
The one redemptive thing about me is I’ll admit my motive. Cheney never will. Dick Cheney is a smart guy. I always thought so. You don’t get to be President of the USA unless you’re pretty smart. Cheney was so smart he let the other guy pretend to be President for eight years. You know the one, the one whose finger got tired when he read MY PET GOAT. Bingo.
You know, I still meet people who say Saddam Hussein did 9-11. They don’t quite know why, they forget that part. Cheney said it though, and on a slow news day, it was repeated enough times it became the truth. Truthiness, they call it. It’s like Truth-Lite. Definitely less filling, but leaves a very bitter aftertaste.